I’d just had 5 weeks of full on travel with my boyfriend Freebs through Mexico. We’d stayed in some ridiculously incredible places – hotels with underground cave pools, glamping with our own private lagoon, resorts with private beaches, we’d had some amazing experiences
– seeing a whale from less than 100m away,
spending Christmas and New Year with our good friend Denia and her familia,
swimming with sea lions, drinking cocktails and sharing amazing meals with beautiful people…
— “Sorry Bianca, WHY were you stressed?” I’m getting there, hold on!
It honestly took me 2 weeks or more to unwind and be OK with only working when I had sessions with the two clients I had at the time.
I’d set myself some huge targets to hit in my biz before this time off, and I hadn’t hit them.
This had been the most expensive part of my 6 month trip,
and not only did I not have NO clients locked in for my January program,
I was stuck in a rut with where I wanted to take my coaching.
I wanted to work with more healers coaches and entrepreneurs to help them to get into profit,
build their brands and have a business that worked, but wasn’t sure exactly what to offer with that,
Then there was the question: do I keep running my flagship Leading From Within program
or do I put it on pause to start a whole new program?
Ughhh creating a new program seemed like alotta work that I definitely didn’t want to do.
Despite the fact that helping these entrepreneurs in some way something that was screaming out to me,
something I felt totally called to do, I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t want a program like that, and at the same time,
I didn’t know if I wanted to do loads of private 1:1 coaching either.
My poor brain was so stressed, and funds were getting tighter, and I was stuck in the “I don’t know”.
So there I was in my Air BNB in Colombia – a country I’d been so excited to see for 5 years –
Totally stressed out of my mind.
I’d gone into a panic around money and NEEDING clients,
I was deep in scarcity (or scare-city, where your fear and neediness scares ANY potential client or income away).
Ain’t no one EVER manifested great things from total scarcity.
I felt like a total failure.
After all my hard work, after struggling my way through my first year of coaching and investing tens of thousands in getting my business off the ground and
FINALLY hitting those $10K weeks in 2017,
feeling So excited and SO proud,
Thinking “This is it, it’s really happening for me”,
After writing a goddamn book about how to achieve ANYTHING you want…
Here I was on f*cking STRUGGLE STREET,
So frickin’ scared about how I was even going to get through my month in Colombia financially
and KNOWING that the only way to get out was to stop focusing on my fears.
Ahhh scarcity, it’s a very hard thing to shift out of on your own sometimes,
Even when you know what you need to do,
Your sabotage game is SO strong in survival mode
That it’s easy to be consumed by the fears.
I had a very short and powerful conversation with the amazing Michael Gustin,
who confirmed to me what I already knew:
I had to switch off.
I had to let go.
I had to get back to LIVING
To LOVING LIFE
To remembering what’s most important.
So I committed to switching off,
To minimising my computer and phone use,
To FORGETTING about even TRYING to make decisions or find clients until I felt like me again.
I walked in the mountains, I travelled to THE DREAM PLACE, the place that had inspired me to go to Colombia in the first place, I had an energetic clearing and after about a week I actually thought I was there, but I wasn’t. I started getting people DESPERATE for help reaching out to me, and I found myself having calls with people with depression, bi-polar and suicidal thoughts. So I kept going. I partied on a rooftop, I slept in a jungle house, I explored beautiful Carribean beaches, there were actually SO MANY blissful moments, but I still wasn’t there and after more than two weeks I hit SUCH a major turning point.
I remember it so vividly.
I’d been relaxing in the shade in the botanic gardens listening to the river and wandering back through the gardens, looking at some seed pods I had an inspired moment and decided to film a video about my thoughts. It felt so good.
OH MY GOD I was back!
I was back in my zone! I remember sending Michael a video excitedly telling him that I was back.
OH but how the world has a way of testing us.
That night, I had a chick who was considering my program say that she wouldn’t go ahead at that point, and someone I’d been coaching who had verbally committed to an $18K package, and was then considering something for $2.5K instead say he wasn’t going ahead with either of them. The same day, I took on a client who was addicted to drugs at a very low investment and got SOMETHING coming in, but each week’s earnings barely covered the cost of an overnight bus ride. That high I’d felt that afternoon had vanished. I couldn’t believe it.
A day or two later, I actually let go. I did not want to taint any more of my time in this INCREDIBLE country with worry.
I cried in the park talking to my sister.
I let go of the GINORMOUS weight of focusing on finances, and I started to live even more.
I decided to enjoy.
I knew that I may not ever visit Colombia again, and these moments were never going to offer me a second chance.
When I hit Salento and the Cocora Valley towards the end of my trip, I went into total surrender.
I was in EVERY moment. I danced in the rain, swam in the rivers with new friends in borrowed shorts and my bra, I lived in TOTAL AWE of nature and it’s incredible beauty. I hit levels I have NEVER hit with letting go, and it was for the longest stretch ever. I’m struggling to even explain it in any way that could possibly communicate how profound and incredible it was. I was there and nowhere else, there was nothing else. I remembered what it was like to just LIVE.
Since then, whenever I find myself leaning into “have to” or the need or lack of scarcity since then, I remind myself to go there. To go to the place where there is no agenda, where there is no time, where there is just inspiration, love and spontaneity. That is what is most important. That is where we hold the power to create anything. It’s where we create the memories that last forever.
For those of us working doing what we love, it’s the space we must operate from. It’s where we become magnets for what we want, where all ease and flow comes from, where money just falls out of the sky.
When our mind, body and soul are aligned with our highest values, our truth, with the true nature of the world, that is when we can access higher levels of consciousness, of abundance, freedom and bliss.