Sometimes you just can’t say or do anything right.
When someone is hurting, or simply set in their perception of you or your intentions, it doesn’t really matter what you say or do. You can be nice, and they will twist it around to make it like you’re “using them”, or “manipulative” and “deceptive“. They may even see your attempts to help or offer support as “insensitive” or “offensive”. It can be really frustrating, because the more you try to improve or fix the situation, the worse it seems to get. The more you talk, the more damage is done.
But what if you shut down and go silent? You don’t think that will help either. It’s like you’re digging a fricking hole, though your intention is to create calm, even ground.
You see, you can’t win a battle that’s not yours. You cannot change the mind of someone who’s deep in their shit through your reasoning or rational means. Our perceptions shape our reality, and as long as they hold a certain perception, it will be true for them. Their ego will stick to it’s story and make anything you do fit. When they’re deep in it, they cannot see another way. And here’s the thing: as long as you hold your perceptions of them being unreasonable, stupid, overly sensitive and a bad judge of your intentions, you’re playing into the story too; you’re throwing names and labels around. You’re passing judgment like it’s nobody’s business. You’re playing into the “me vs them” aspect of the game, a game you never wanted to be a part of in the first place!
So what the hell do you do?
If you stay engaged in the battle, trying to fight your way out, you will lose. You’ll lose the battle, and there’s a high chance you’ll lose your patience, trust, respect, the relationship… Put one foot (or word wrong) and you could lose a lot.
When it’s spiraling out of control, remember you always have choice. So reconnect to your truth; your compassion and connectedness, your intuition and inner wisdom. Choose to do what’s really best for all. It won’t allow you to have the last word, to be “right” or prove the other “wrong”, but it will allow you to choose, to determine the outcome you want for you, no matter what comes of the relationship or situation you’re in. It will allow you to save time, effort, energy… and possibly so much more.
Let go of the fight. Choose to choose a different way.